My posts have been erratic at best this summer mostly due to the fact that I have been forced to find a new living space. This challenge arose out of the notice from my landlord that she would like to move in to my apartment. I did not anticipate this possibility when I signed a lease on my duplex two years ago. Having lived in two beautiful homes that I have owned, becoming a renter has been a new experience with both freedoms and limitations. I live in a desirable New England city where the rental market is monopolized by well to do college students and that coupled with a moderate income for a single person makes for diligent searching to find the right fit.
Each day, as I search ads and apartment rental websites, is a test of my mental strength and ability to multi-task at work while refreshing Craigslist page every 10 minutes. More importantly, I realize, it is a test of faith and letting go. As long as I am 'doing' all that I can possibly do to find a new home, I have to be equally willing to flow in the stream of letting go. Letting go the disappointments of not being 'chosen' for that perfect apartment that you expected would be an easy fit, doesn't everyone know that I am the 'perfect tenant'? Some days finding an apartment is like trying to be chosen for that hip NYC night club that only 'the beautiful people' are allowed entry. What do I have to do to find an apartment in this town?? Bribe a bouncer, show some cleavage to the sleazy property managers, sleep with the landlord? These questions I ask myself for comic relief and de-stressing tactics as I plow my way through the ads and view countless properties, some that look more like crack houses than the 'gorgeous must see apartment that will knock your socks off' as listed.
I awake each day with a new perspective that this will be the day that I find my perfect, or 'in a good enough range', apartment as I sip a latte from my favorite coffee kiosk, where Tyler or Alex ask me "how's the search going?" and give me a discount on my new addiction.
I say 'today is great' and get my mental ducks in order visualizing the wonderful new home I have found as if it has already happened. I try to get in to the 'feeling place of it' and that's when I relax. If I can stay in that place, trusting in the Universe, knowing that 'all is well' and 'everything will work out' then I can breathe. The irony is that my living space is so important to me, not just a place but an ever evolving work of art. Being able to design a space is life energy for me so I feel cast out hanging by a string. I am not comfortable with unknowns.
I have one month to find my next home and in the process I will be strengthening my understanding that home is where I am, that I am ok no matter what.